Monday, January 07, 2013

monday motivation - say "no"


Do you remember last week how I mentioned in the New Year, I would be all about doing one simple thing a day.  That one simple thing for me has to do learning to say no.  When our children are little, a "no" in the midst of parenting or saying "no" just seems part of our job.  I am a doer and I am a helper but we all have our limits as to what we can do or can say yes to.

I was tested last week with several friends asking for various favors.  I said yes to two out of three of them so saying no to the third was really a challenge for me.  To be honest, I felt bad about saying no but in the end I also kept saying to myself that there was nothing wrong with just saying no.  
My "no" needed no explanation or back up plan.  I did have a valid conflict so I had to say no.

It seems many of us are bombarded with requests to donate time, money, support and I am not advocating that no be said to everything but I do believe that having a clear vision of what you do say yes to will be beneficial to you, your self esteem and to those around you.  I was surprised to find so many great tools, tips, and books on the art of saying no, which means that many of us must find it a challenge to say no.

Is it hard for you to say "no" or better yet "no, thank-you."
Keep it simple, say "no" or practice saying no and you will be surprised how motivating it can be.

16 comments:

Donna Benedetto said...

I so could relate to this post! I find it impossible to say no. My schedule can be packed and if someone calls for something I say yes. In the end I am down right miserable with to much on my plate. I'm with you this new year...having a clear plan as to what can work and what can't and staying true to YOU and just saying no. I also think we feel we need to explain why we are saying no and frankly no explanation is needed.
Good luck to keeping balance this new year.
Donna
thebeneblog.com

pve design said...

Donna,
Thanks for popping in and leaving a comment. I think many of us could join together and support one another on simply saying no in order to give to ourselves balance. Saying yes with more focus and clarity brings balance.
Men seem to be able to say no with ease and security.
Love that chair you posted. If I were your client I would say Yes to everything.
pve

quintessence said...

I so need to work on this!! But I am getting better - there are only so many hours in the day! Thank you for the encouragement!

Formerly known as Frau said...

Nice to be able to say No and stay firm with it. I'm lucky right now I don't have a lot of demands on me but I remember a time I wish No was more in my vocabulary! Have a wonderful Monday!

N said...

You may as well have tagged me in this post! I actually have made this part of my 2013 resolutions. Stepping back a bit to focus and also unwind, with fewer balls in the air.
Let's remind each other!
xo

pve design said...

Stacey,
Good luck to you and all the work you do. True, if we look at the hours we free up by a simple no, then we can manage our time to say yes to what it is we really need to do.
pve

Frau,
Good luck to you and your carefree life. You know you have earned this time to treat yourself to something special. Saying yes to new things, new skills and starting something to inspire others - I know you would be in full demand.
Happy Monday to you too.
pve

BRASWELL said...

Saying no to a few things is my way of extreme self care + boy do I need it. Thank you for the reminder. xxpeggybraswelldesign.com

pve design said...

N-
Saying yes to more oxygen and no to things that taketh it away is something we all strive for. Good luck with your resolutions.
pve

The Buzz Blog said...

We've learned the hard way that saying yes too many times gets us into trouble, not to mention exhausted and worn out. Perhaps being women compels us to not let anyone down but by saying yes too often, don't we let ourselves down more? Love this Monday Motivation and will try to practice it this week! Thanks, PVE!
xxoo
C + C

julielorusso@gmail.com said...

Good for you! Some things are harder to say no to for me, but I do realize it is the key to balance.

pretty pink tulips said...

Patricia,
This is such a timely post. I have gone through phases or being able to say "no", then saying "yes" and now I need to say "no" for a while. Nov-Dec left me so depleted....and that doesn't do anyone I care about any good, including myself.

I really relate to the idea of having a mission for yourself, so that you have a focus and also keeping things brief, without elaboration. I think the more you say, the worse things get. No, I wish I could....seems to work well, when I have the nerve to say it.

Here's to only saying YES to those things you really want to do.

xoxo Elizabeth

annie said...

Patricia,
you always say everything well...even no. Perfect motivation and inspiration for a Monday and the start of the new year!
xo
annie

Unknown said...

WOW--I can't believe how appropriate your post was tonight. I need to say no to fairly big things tonight/tomorrow morning and was just thinking about how to do it and whether I really should. Thank you for your wise words. I love the poster with the important reasons for saying no. Where did you find it?
Thanks again--Julia Ryan

red ticking said...

we all need this in our lives... thanks for the reminder... happy new year dear friend.. xoxox

MJH Design Arts said...

Learning to say "no" has been a huge challenge. I'm finally able to say "no" without huge guilt pains. Unfortunately, I sometimes forget to be cushioning with my "no's" and have offended those that do not understand my boundaries. Thanks for the reminder as I'm usually on the edge about this.
Mary

A Well Styled Life said...

Being a people pleaser at heart, its very hard to say no. When I do, I usually say "no thanks, that won't work for me" which leaves very little room for discussion. It's a constant battle to stay true to myself on this one.